I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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