the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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