I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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