Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
