your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize