Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
