two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
