I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I believe in your delicious
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
