I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
