I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
