You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
