I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
