I just pynch a tree in the face
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
