just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
