you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
