Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
