omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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