So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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