so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Farmville is her only friend.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
