he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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