I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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