The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
