im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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