I just saw a hot homeless man
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
