3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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