Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
