Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
