he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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