I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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