Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
