the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You were trust falling into bushes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
