I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I want her autograph on my taint
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
