it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
