She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
two words...techno handjob
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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