Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
