I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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