Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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