I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
