Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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