watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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