Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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