I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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