ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
