We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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