I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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