My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
