Cold hands, warm shart.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
