I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
