nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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