My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
