i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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