Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
