I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
