I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
