Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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