Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My breasts were aching with rage.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am naked and annoyed.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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