Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
