Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
