i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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