I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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