Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
