So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
