my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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