guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
