I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
