I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
