the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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