I cockslap morals
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize